100wc feedback

Hi Christian

Good 1000wc piece. I liked the way you used a descriptive word at the start to get the reader hooked on the story. Maybe next time you could read over your piece and make sure it makes sense. Maybe next time you could use some logic in your 100wc for example “After I eat my lunch I take my younger brother to the aquamarine to see all the different types of animals. We saw elephantsseahorses, and lots of coloured fish.” I don’t think you can see elephants at an aquarium. Otherwise a really good piece.

From Josh

100wc

Deep in the savannah the sun was shimmering in the distance with elephants roaming free. Meanwhile 10,000 kilometres away seahorses are roaming the ocean. Back in the savannah lions are just finishing off their meal and all that’s left is bones. One million miles away avocados are being grown and sold. As the days pass elephants are still roaming free, seahorses are still swimming in the ocean and avocados are still being grown and sold. All this is occurring as many people in the world will be drawing seahorses and colouring them in with the colour purple.

100wc

As I was running down the football field a player from the opposition came charging at me. I turned my head and he knocked me out cold and the world spun around me. As I stared into blackness the world was still spinning as I tried to open my eyes but the dizziness got worse. I can’t believe one kid could just knock me out like that.  When I finally had the energy to stand up my head was still spinning and I fell straight back down to the ground. I finally stood up and turned my head with the world spinning.

comments

Hi Brooklyn I like your story and it was punctuated really well but the last sentence was a little creepy keep up the good work.

Josh

 

 

 

Hi Charlie I like your piece maybe next time edit your piece before you post it because there were some capital letters missing otherwise a really good piece.

Josh

 

 

Hi Dalia I like your piece maybe next time edit your piece before you post it because there were some capital letters missing otherwise a really good piece.

Josh

 

 

Hi Hamish I liked your work and it is a really good piece but maybe next time right in English and not in an Italian accent. It was very well written and edited piece good job keep up the good work.

Josh

100wc

Those dominoes just magically appeared out of nowhere, and nearly squashed an innocent poor tourist. Police quickly rushed to the scene to investigate what had happened. It’s not every day giant dominoes fall from the sky. As the police were examining the dominoes a tourist came up to the police and said “this thing nearly squashed me mate”. The police were investigating the scene and found evidence that aliens from mars wanted to kill humans to stop them from invading their planet. They thought that falling dominoes would scare the humans away but instead it just made them angrier.

100wc

As I walked through the door I saw a hat on the table. I said what is that hat doing on the table? The hat was a broad brim blue hat and had feathers sticking out of the top. It was hideous. Why on earth would my sister go out and buy that hat of all hats. That thing had to go in the bin, and be gone for good. It was my job to do that. As I approached the hat I realised my sister put an alarm system on it, so there was no way I was getting to it.

100wc

I was racing to work on my scooter and I was late, I had to be late today of all days. I had an important meeting to go to today and my poster boards are with me. I finally made it to work and I set up for my presentation but my poster boards had gone transparent, I walked out of the room excitedly that I didn’t have to do my presentation. Then a woman in a rose dress approached me and said are you ready for your presentation sir.

100wc

They were coming out from every direction these mutant little creepy things that come out of the ground. They are so creepy and once you see one it will haunt you for the rest of your life, until you’re dead. And when you’re dead it haunts your children, and so on until it kills your whole family. But you can defeat it if you somehow can see them without it seeing you, only one person has ever done that and hardly survived, because it is a very torturous path and it will kill you if you’re not careful.

 

100wc

I was so cross that I just lost the plot. I ripped out all my hair, it wasn’t funny. The next thing I know, I have twelve different people yelling at me. I was so mad it was indescribable the rage I had. The next day the rage was all gone but I was still on edge. But anything could tick me off. Then it happened, somebody ticked me off. I was so enraged I just left walked out, I was so mad I never went back to any place with people ever again.